.Sunday, April 26, 2009 ' 11:49 PM Y
he said i never call my grandparents before. not true! i called a few times before! its not like i dont care about them, its just that its very diff to be close to someone whom you are actually not close with. he makes comparison between me and my cousins. my cousins are very filial, they will fetch my grandparents to see doctor, or visit them every weekend and calls them frequently. i find myself so fake when i call them , end up asking the few typical questions and all. i dont want a phonecall to be that fake! i hate comparision! my cousins and my grandparents are close, not me! you think i dont wish to be close to them? you know i always envy those kids who can go out for a walk/dinner/lunch with their grandparents. it never happened to me, except when im much younger. he said im not filial.he says im not filial as well, cos i dont greet him when he came home from work and all. i dont know how long has this been going on, but my sis and i never greet our parents at all when they come back from work or when we are back home. seriously he cant blame us for that, he didnt know how much we hated him then. imagine getting caned still when you're in secondary school. he doesnt know how much i hated going home and all. all he claims is im being infilial, which is NOT TRUE! i know how tough it is to earn money outside, since he got no qualifications. its not like i dont know that, i just cant express to him right. i think the only think i can do is to provide them with a better living when i grow up, but would they believe me? NO.he said i love money more than anything else.been a few years since i stop'd asking him for money. wait, i mean he still give me allowances now. no matter how much he gave me, i always take. if he gives me more than enough, i will tell him but he will say just return the excess, which i hardly do so. thus, he says i am one. few years back, he always tell people how i always ask money from him and all. doing so, at least i have NEVER ASKED for it before! stupidly, but it gives me a lil more pride by doing so. even if he never give, i wont bother to ask. i only want his money which he gives me willingly. he said i spend alot which i dont think so, other than my monthly $240 allowance, concessions when im not working and bills/electricity/food/whatever! i mean, dont you kids out there using the same amount?! he said i only know how to cry and show black face.you think i can control my tears is it, i also dont like it when it tears at the slightest things at times. i show a black face?OF COS I DO, SINCE IM ANGRY AND NOTHING CAN BE DONE! because no matter what i say, they believe they are right and its no point quarrelling with them right! if i have to voice out my opinions, it will drags the stupid ugly converstaion longer isnt it! he said my attachment is a breeze.when i fucking cried twice of work cos im fucking stressed?he said i always go out without telling him.if i tell him, he will end up giving me lectures and all. since i dont get the kind of joy i have at home, i ought to have it outside right. i dont see the point of making myself miserable anymore, no one is going to take pity on me! i understand that he is just very worried for my safety, thus i always let my mom knows so she can tells him. its not like i leave home and never let them know at all. let me gasps for air can! the intend list was much longer and will be longer till they understands how i feel. Labels: he said.
